You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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