i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
