The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
