That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
