I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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