i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
