her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
How does it feel to date your dad?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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