I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
