Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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