The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
