i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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