the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Randomize
