I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
