Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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