If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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