He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
