apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
