It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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