i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
