He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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