Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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