wanna go halves on a baby?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
