If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
