they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
