Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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