Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
