my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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