In the future we'll all be gay
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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