I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
