my soul wont recognize me after tonight
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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