on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
