i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
two words: eviction party
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
