Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
