your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
