He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
