I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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