then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
