This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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