bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
