maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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