you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You're like the curious george of whores
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
