you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
