hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
