I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
