just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
