Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
