Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
