I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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