i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
