We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
