I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
