My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
