He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
